Notices by Рождество Bosch (anonymousbosch@poa.st), page 2

A stranger came from the great foreign kingdom of Anxi [Parthia] (安息), and with him came strange ideas of violence against the court eunuchs, and new sagas to add to the classic tales. The students were troubled, and asked the Master what to think of this man. The Master said: “His ways are not our ways, and his stories are not our stories. Nevertheless- the junzi is willing to learn all things, for there is always more to learn and appreciate under Heaven (天). Perhaps Heaven has provided us with an ally against the eunuchs. Liu Bei (劉備) took the wild Zhang Fei (張飛) as a brother, and together they fought righteously.”

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Huihuo Jing was still furious at the Master for drawing attention to his onanism (手淫), and so he dedicated hours to crafting his revenge. One day he came to the paifang (牌坊) and placed an enormous scroll in full view of the public. On it, he had drawn the Master in a most unflattering posture with a weak chin, mouth agape, and thinning hair. Across from him, Huihuo Jing had drawn himself with a strong jaw, long earlobes and limbs, and a face like Pan An (潘安). The town was in a furor, and all waited with bated breath to see how the Master would respond to such a slight. When the Master made his daily perambulation through the ward (坊), he stopped and looked at the scroll for a moment. His face did not change even for a second. He turned to Huihuo Jing and replied, “I must praise your artistic ability Master Jing. You seem to understand weakness and ugliness implicitly, perhaps because they are your only constant companions, as you are a lonely coomer (手淫者).”

An esoteric scholar came to the Master with his theories on the Dao (道) and the Taiji (太极), saying “Just as a man is the source and perceiver of knowledge, woman is the source and perceiver of emotion.” The Master replied: “Is the pot a great gourmand or cook because it is full of soup? Is a book a great scholar because it is full of knowledge? Woman is full of emotion, but that is not enough to prove that they have mastered empathy (共情).”

A Legalist scholar was visiting the Master’s school, calling for the execution of all those who did not pass the Imperial exams (科舉) with sufficiently high marks in order, he said, to purify the kingdom. The Master replied, “I must commend your incredible work ethic! Your full genius will surely be on display when you take up rice farming instead of studying the classics. Truly, your wit is better suited to frontline warfare than composing histories, and your fecund mind to crafting cast iron instead of poems! Certainly a State of a thousand shi (士) will triumph over one with a thousand thousand gong (農) and shang (商).” The Legalist left without a word, because he was retarded (遲鈍的). The Master concluded his lecture: “Love the artisan and the farmer. You read by their candlelight and live by their toil. They may not possess your wisdom (智), but they will surely possess your virtue (德) if you show it to them.”

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