Notices by kinoko 🍓 (kinoko@raru.re)

@Nightingalle @lain this is peak friendship and no one wants to talk about it.

@lain am i tripping or is this an estonian meme

it’s so cold indoors that i’m wearing three pairs of socks, two sweaters, and a bathrobe

@flowless I have an inkling that “nerdy” narcissists are more noticeable in academia because they like power games, enjoy listening to themselves speak and putting others down and so on, but there’s no structure to keep people accountable in academia. It’s unlikely that there’s a higher proportion of malicious narcissists and sociopaths in academia in comparison to other sectors, the only realistic explanation to me seems to be the difference in governance and levels of freedom people have in academia compared to so-called industry jobs. Perhaps there is no external pressure that incentivizes good treatment toward fellow colleagues and students, whereas having to be accountable to clients of your service(s) on the market incentivizes taking your workers into account, as there is no product without their labor, whereas academia operates on the principle of expandability.

I GOT HELP! i got a good doc who knows what they’re doing! she did some things that already made me feel much better, one type of pain that I had is just GONE now and the other pain has an explanation and I got new meds specifically for that!!! I hope it all works out

@Moon blogs also need good channels of distribution. or you could always share it on hackernews and pray that it goes well

edit: another thing is that blogs aren’t great for making people talk to each other. like the dumb substack i created and abandoned has somehow amassed a good number of subscribers but I would still have to build a discord around it for example if i wanted to really communicate with people, but that’s also the issue where the conversations become closed to the public. random people who turn out to be extremely interesting gems might not find it as easily anymore, so the growth is a bit stagnant, besides the risks of becoming an echo chamber, cult, etc

@Moon thing is, i think twitter was perfect for this, so i wonder if centralized social media with a non-chronological algorithm (and possibly an option to customize and use your own algorithms) is the way to go? or federated for more user freedom, but “pooled” centrally somehow (this would require another model of federation) with the option to customize the algorithm?

so how does one network these days in tech now that birdsite has gone to shit?

- i used to get lots of good connections and interviews and more through twitter, even potential cofounders, it was extremely good for business
- people aren’t using meetup.com to advertise their meetups and networking events as much
- fedi is great but not a lot of people use it, and non-terminally online folks will miss most of the content you post
- i had some success through small official student bodies or professional discords (my latest job interview in academia (!) came from discord!), but you need to go through a lot of people to get into these secret clubs
- other secret slack groups and so on that i’ve been a part of thanks to twitter

the question remains: how does someone new to the industry build up their presence, showcasing their work etc nowadays when the birdsite algorithm punishes you and it won’t reach the right audience; when everyone’s scattered around and, frankly, is starting to use social media way less?

we are also not compartmentalized. so we can’t expect a social media purely for professional connections (e.g linkedin) to work as intended. being “real”, showing your personality, your hobbies, is all a piece of the puzzle to finding great people to work with, to build companies with. and social events like conferences aren’t enough on their own, neither are they as accessible as being visible online.

99% of all social media are completely unhinged takes

fair warning that i’ll be posting a lot about barely feeling ok and going into/recovering from surgery but i’ll try to CW as much as possible, and/or post under the same thread

anyway since june-ish my wellbeing started drastically worsening. last year i got diagnosed with endometriosis and was scheduled for excision surgery a month later, but i ended up at the ER before that unfortunately. I was bleeding out on the ER floor, but it ended up with getting yelled at and sent home, the doc there insisted i try hormones instead of surgery. I cancelled the surgery, although it’s the best method for management of the condition, and tried hormones. It’s been okayish-stable for less than a year, until it started getting worse. I can barely function now. So I’m going into surgery hopefully soon that will also involve excisions on my bowels and stuff most likely.

Today I’m going to start with daily oxycodone until I can get into surgery.

today I found out that I likely have adhesions in my stomach/bowels (organs sticking together) which might be causing a lot of my pain. they want to try stronger hormonal treatments and HRT first though, but that’ll still take me a month to get because i need to go to the endo surgeon for that and until then i’m basically bedridden

at the moment I can only feel like I can sit — just sit — only with TENS on my back.

my mom brought me some of her cooking and hugged me :blobcatPuffyMelt: i just want to be pampered atm. so tired.

I feel like starting with tDCS for depression (actually chronic pain, but it’s targeted towards depression) helped me stay more relaxed, calm, and level-headed about the situation.

Will I have to suddenly upend my life and maybe postpone my dream job and studies? Very likely. It’s hard. I’m grieving. But after starting with meditation and tDCS, it’s easier to let go, let myself heal instead of push through, and resume when I’m better.

This pain isn’t psychological. But its chronic nature wears you down, exactly how water wears down stone. So I need to focus on regaining mental strength. At one point, I just realized that I crossed over a barrier. I realized that I gave up, that I was content with letting myself die, because I was just so very tired. So tired of fighting to live. And that’s when I realized that I need to work on my mindset as well. It’s not going to cure my pain, and I was reluctant to try treating depression because it was always presented in such a way that maybe, just maybe, there’s a psychosomatic component too. It’s just going to help me stay alive.

chronic illness posting, memes of current mood

I forgot my tDCS device at home 💀 but it’s ok i’ll get to do it tomorrow

also i have a collection of all the IV pics throughout the years now

more chronic illness memes (current mood)

anyways my stomach is super weird rn too because of endo and now i’m only allowed to eat basically rice and certain veggies only but in pureed form

this kinda sucks ngl, at least before i could be happy about eating something tasty, i rly want an egg over rice at least or something 😭 and some spices… and eating has to be a whole ordeal now

i wonder if eating a cinnamon bun took me to the ER?? :blobcatDonut: no regrets tho

i’m in an an international endo support group/discord and people are getting all sorts of THC and CBD products for pain relief and i’m like ??????? we don’t have anything like that, this sucks

meanwhile docs will prescribe opiates left and right

when will people get over their fear of cannabis?

I’m going for a stomach CT scan on tuesday because they think i might also have chron’s or something 🤡

i’m really worried atm about just losing 90% of the calories that i eat atm daily, trying not to think about it and i hope it won’t last

@vriska gang

it’s amazing for how long i’ve normalized coughing up blood as part of endo or “random ulcers”