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1. kinoko 🍓 (kinoko@raru.re)'s status on Tuesday, 19-Sep-2023 08:57:09 JST kinoko 🍓

   fair warning that i’ll be posting a lot about barely feeling ok and going into/recovering from surgery but i’ll try to CW as much as possible, and/or post under the same thread

   anyway since june-ish my wellbeing started drastically worsening. last year i got diagnosed with endometriosis and was scheduled for excision surgery a month later, but i ended up at the ER before that unfortunately. I was bleeding out on the ER floor, but it ended up with getting yelled at and sent home, the doc there insisted i try hormones instead of surgery. I cancelled the surgery, although it’s the best method for management of the condition, and tried hormones. It’s been okayish-stable for less than a year, until it started getting worse. I can barely function now. So I’m going into surgery hopefully soon that will also involve excisions on my bowels and stuff most likely.

   Today I’m going to start with daily oxycodone until I can get into surgery.

   • kinoko 🍓 (kinoko@raru.re)'s status on Tuesday, 19-Sep-2023 08:56:52 JST kinoko 🍓

     in reply to

     I’ve been to the gastroentrologist now and the consensus is that at least I don’t have any tumors anywhere that would change the shape of the organs, but my pain is very non-typical for gastric issues, nevertheless she will perform a colonoscopy next week and I’ll be meeting my endo surgeon too.

     I had some better days where I actually enjoyed life and had maybe 5/10 pain most of the time and started believing I could get back to work, but my period or whatever this is came back and now I’m in 10/10 ”please kill me, my insides are trying to kill me” pain for two days. Just trying to numb it any way I can to fall asleep.

     And my blood serum results came back, with ”possible autoimmune disease”. :/

     LS likes this.
   • kinoko 🍓 (kinoko@raru.re)'s status on Tuesday, 19-Sep-2023 08:56:54 JST kinoko 🍓

     in reply to

     the CT scan came back saying i don’t have cancer so that’s good at least… don’t know about the MRI yet but I’m also going to a gastroentrologist before I’ll finally meet the endo surgeon, so I guess we’re trying to exclude non-endo causes as much as possible. it sucks because adhesions and surface endo is NOT visible on MRI, ultrasound or CT, and the only way to diagnose and excise it is via laporascopic surgery, so all hope lies currently on one surgeon I haven’t even met yet

   • kinoko 🍓 (kinoko@raru.re)'s status on Tuesday, 19-Sep-2023 08:56:55 JST kinoko 🍓

     in reply to

     doing slightly better, still sleeping like shit because of pain and i can’t take painkillers anymore, but various meds are keeping me functioning throughout the day. sometimes i even go for a walk or get to study. that’s not too bad.

     going for an MRI tomorrow. all of my organs will be ultra-scanned

   • kinoko 🍓 (kinoko@raru.re)'s status on Tuesday, 19-Sep-2023 08:56:56 JST kinoko 🍓

     in reply to

     - chronic fatigue at 9/10
     - CT scan done
     - MRI next week
     - rapdily losing weight :blobcatPensive:

   • kinoko 🍓 (kinoko@raru.re)'s status on Tuesday, 19-Sep-2023 08:56:57 JST kinoko 🍓

     in reply to

     I was also tested for gluten intolerance and it came back negative

     I’m SO RELIEVED because i love pasta, foccacia, ciabatta, pastries… life would be way bleaker without it all

   • kinoko 🍓 (kinoko@raru.re)'s status on Tuesday, 19-Sep-2023 08:56:58 JST kinoko 🍓

     in reply to

     it’s amazing for how long i’ve normalized coughing up blood as part of endo or “random ulcers”

   • kinoko 🍓 (kinoko@raru.re)'s status on Tuesday, 19-Sep-2023 08:56:59 JST kinoko 🍓

     in reply to

     • 『VRISKA』

     I’m going for a stomach CT scan on tuesday because they think i might also have chron’s or something 🤡

     i’m really worried atm about just losing 90% of the calories that i eat atm daily, trying not to think about it and i hope it won’t last

     @vriska gang

   • kinoko 🍓 (kinoko@raru.re)'s status on Tuesday, 19-Sep-2023 08:57:00 JST kinoko 🍓

     in reply to

     i’m in an an international endo support group/discord and people are getting all sorts of THC and CBD products for pain relief and i’m like ??????? we don’t have anything like that, this sucks

     meanwhile docs will prescribe opiates left and right

     when will people get over their fear of cannabis?

   • kinoko 🍓 (kinoko@raru.re)'s status on Tuesday, 19-Sep-2023 08:57:02 JST kinoko 🍓

     in reply to

     anyways my stomach is super weird rn too because of endo and now i’m only allowed to eat basically rice and certain veggies only but in pureed form

     this kinda sucks ngl, at least before i could be happy about eating something tasty, i rly want an egg over rice at least or something 😭 and some spices… and eating has to be a whole ordeal now

     i wonder if eating a cinnamon bun took me to the ER?? :blobcatDonut: no regrets tho

   • kinoko 🍓 (kinoko@raru.re)'s status on Tuesday, 19-Sep-2023 08:57:03 JST kinoko 🍓

     in reply to

     more chronic illness memes (current mood)

   • kinoko 🍓 (kinoko@raru.re)'s status on Tuesday, 19-Sep-2023 08:57:04 JST kinoko 🍓

     in reply to

     I forgot my tDCS device at home 💀 but it’s ok i’ll get to do it tomorrow

     also i have a collection of all the IV pics throughout the years now

   • kinoko 🍓 (kinoko@raru.re)'s status on Tuesday, 19-Sep-2023 08:57:05 JST kinoko 🍓

     in reply to

     chronic illness posting, memes of current mood

   • kinoko 🍓 (kinoko@raru.re)'s status on Tuesday, 19-Sep-2023 08:57:06 JST kinoko 🍓

     in reply to

     I feel like starting with tDCS for depression (actually chronic pain, but it’s targeted towards depression) helped me stay more relaxed, calm, and level-headed about the situation.

     Will I have to suddenly upend my life and maybe postpone my dream job and studies? Very likely. It’s hard. I’m grieving. But after starting with meditation and tDCS, it’s easier to let go, let myself heal instead of push through, and resume when I’m better.

     This pain isn’t psychological. But its chronic nature wears you down, exactly how water wears down stone. So I need to focus on regaining mental strength. At one point, I just realized that I crossed over a barrier. I realized that I gave up, that I was content with letting myself die, because I was just so very tired. So tired of fighting to live. And that’s when I realized that I need to work on my mindset as well. It’s not going to cure my pain, and I was reluctant to try treating depression because it was always presented in such a way that maybe, just maybe, there’s a psychosomatic component too. It’s just going to help me stay alive.

   • kinoko 🍓 (kinoko@raru.re)'s status on Tuesday, 19-Sep-2023 08:57:07 JST kinoko 🍓

     in reply to

     at the moment I can only feel like I can sit — just sit — only with TENS on my back.

     my mom brought me some of her cooking and hugged me :blobcatPuffyMelt: i just want to be pampered atm. so tired.

   • kinoko 🍓 (kinoko@raru.re)'s status on Tuesday, 19-Sep-2023 08:57:08 JST kinoko 🍓

     in reply to

     today I found out that I likely have adhesions in my stomach/bowels (organs sticking together) which might be causing a lot of my pain. they want to try stronger hormonal treatments and HRT first though, but that’ll still take me a month to get because i need to go to the endo surgeon for that and until then i’m basically bedridden

   • eal (eal@post.ebin.club)'s status on Wednesday, 27-Sep-2023 01:10:42 JST eal

     in reply to
     @kinoko think of all the ruined lives!
     LS likes this.