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1. pistolero :thispersondoesnotexist: (p@freespeechextremist.com)'s status on Sunday, 05-Nov-2023 19:28:59 JST pistolero :thispersondoesnotexist:
   Everyone has the vague idea that cell phones made the world a dumber place, but the reasons why are usually vague. I know the reason: it's because cell phones have radically altered the bathroom.
   
   It used to be possible to roll up a newspaper under your arm and take a one-hour shit in perfect silence. This is when people have their best ideas, the ideas that move all their other ideas forward: when you are doing one thing and that thing is nothing.
   
   That's how it all went sideways, man. Your fuckin' phone buzzes. Is it your side hustle, or is someone spamming you to promote their side hustle? Someone's knocking at the door. Music starts playing: the woman said you were crazy for declaring the waterproof bluetooth shower speaker "an abomination before the Lord", but now she has clicked the wrong shit and some douchebags' fucking podcast about AI startups is stopping you from staring blankly at the wall in peace. An alert on the phone: overdraft fees triggered by microtransactions. The only thoughts you have had in that room for months are about which politicians to kill to bring back peaceful shits.
   
   This is how we used to take dumps back in the day and it was FINE:
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