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1. Nine2FiveStudio (nine2five@bae.st)'s status on Sunday, 11-Feb-2024 08:44:39 JST Nine2FiveStudio

   • cool_boy_mew
   • karna :flipflop:
   Warning Outside A Shinto Shrine
   
   Lay not your hand upon this stone nor cast
   its seal aside to free the spirit hid
   beneath its weight: the devil from the past
   
   residing here must not by man be bid
   awake again to call boys to her bed.
   Enchanting him with satin skin amid
   
   her silken sheets, she'd coax man's eyes and lead
   his thirsty lips to lay upon her breast
   then suck the fire from out his fogged head
   
   before his panting tongue could taste and test
   the gall beneath her sweets; he'd lay replete
   with venom plundered from her milky chest.
   
   Let not your fingertips reach out, discreet
   and hidden from each watching mortal eye,
   to trace a crack where this rock's top may meet
   
   the ground (long wept upon by fertile sky)
   for softened sediment is soaked and weak.
   Our whispered chants, in time, lose potency
   
   for keeping back the wiles of she whose meek
   embrace belies her stomach's subtle aims,
   so priests and monks recite their chants each week
   
   to keep the monster sleeping with her whims.
   Such means are all we have to hold her fast
   lest every man today become her claims.
   
   
   @coolboymew
   @karna
   • cool_boy_mew likes this.
   • Nine2FiveStudio (nine2five@bae.st)'s status on Sunday, 11-Feb-2024 10:49:29 JST Nine2FiveStudio

     in reply to

     • cool_boy_mew
     • karna :flipflop:
     @karna @coolboymew the rhyme was hard and the form even moreso. I wrote the first draft on Monday and wrestled with it on and off until posting it. Still not sure the title fits or if I should have been more vague with the title ("Warning Outside a Shrine" was another title I was considering). The "milky chest" is to illustrate the light color of the demon's skin and to evoke the kind of imagery suggested by stuff I've seen here on fedi about certain women's chests being *ahem* "full of milk".
     cool_boy_mew likes this.
   • karna :flipflop: (karna@poa.st)'s status on Sunday, 11-Feb-2024 10:49:30 JST karna :flipflop:

     in reply to

     • cool_boy_mew

     @nine2five @coolboymew My first thought was "milky chest 😭 :apugibs: " which is probably why such a warning would exist lol. I'm not sure if the intent was for it to be a literal warning that one might see at a Shinto sign or a metaphor for something else (thinking back to the ancient Greeks warning against giving women the franchise, especially when men could very easily give in to their own list and do so; or perhaps this is an homage to something like Higurashi), but I'm probably going to read more into it than intended. Also nice job with the alliteration again and also with the rhyming form :KazumaThumbsUp:

   • karna :flipflop: (karna@poa.st)'s status on Sunday, 11-Feb-2024 11:59:50 JST karna :flipflop:

     in reply to

     • cool_boy_mew
     @nine2five @coolboymew Yeah, it looks like a hard form to fit together...
     
     > Still not sure the title fits or if I should have been more vague with the title
     
     I think the title very much fits, if anything, maybe too perfectly. I think being more vague, like you suggested, gives more room for the reader to to inject his own interpretation on top your work which may or may not be what you want. Personally, I am biased towards having room to find metaphors and allegories even when the artist did not intend for them, but thats just me - simultaneously, it takes a little more courage to preemptively stamp out uncertainty and plant the meaning down firmly... Do whatever you think leads to the correct interpretation(s).
     
     > milky chest
     
     Well you definitely hit the nail on the head with that one
   • Nine2FiveStudio (nine2five@bae.st)'s status on Sunday, 11-Feb-2024 11:59:50 JST Nine2FiveStudio

     in reply to

     • cool_boy_mew
     • karna :flipflop:
     @karna @coolboymew
     
     > i think the title very much fits etc.
     
     Good. I'll keep it then. I don't believe in the "death of the author", and I had in mind that stone seal that was split a couple years ago. Thank you for the constructive criticism! I hope you don't mind my tagging you whenever I post a pome.
     cool_boy_mew likes this.
   • cool_boy_mew (coolboymew@shitposter.club)'s status on Sunday, 11-Feb-2024 12:00:04 JST cool_boy_mew

     in reply to

     • karna :flipflop:
     @nine2five @karna it's fine, do continue
   • Nine2FiveStudio (nine2five@bae.st)'s status on Sunday, 11-Feb-2024 12:13:31 JST Nine2FiveStudio

     in reply to

     • cool_boy_mew
     • karna :flipflop:
     @coolboymew @karna will do!
     Husky_1707621007236_9MIMU1RZYA.png
     cool_boy_mew likes this.