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1. Foone🏳️‍⚧️ (foone@digipres.club)'s status on Monday, 16-Oct-2023 02:48:41 JST Foone🏳️‍⚧️

   Scifi idea: an alien fleet shows up and says they're taking over or they'll zap us from orbit. Says this is at risk of turning into a holy war... Because see, Earth is a garden planet, specifically chosen for their former God-Emperor to retire to, and in the last couple thousand years we've suddenly gotten all spicy and they're worried about their survival.
   When we ask where this alien God-Emperor is, they react in shock. We can't have missed them, they're the biggest organism on the planet!

   • Foone🏳️‍⚧️ (foone@digipres.club)'s status on Monday, 16-Oct-2023 02:51:05 JST Foone🏳️‍⚧️

     in reply to

     That'd be Pando, the quaking aspen who lives in southern Utah, covering 108 acres and weighing over 6 million kilograms.

   • Foone🏳️‍⚧️ (foone@digipres.club)'s status on Monday, 16-Oct-2023 02:59:56 JST Foone🏳️‍⚧️

     in reply to

     Humans are the #2 enemy of the Third Glorious Star Empire, due to their encroachment and pollution and forest fires threatening their most holy (former) leader.

     The #1 enemy of the Third Glorious Star Empire?
     The Rocky Mountain mule deer, of course.

   • Foone🏳️‍⚧️ (foone@digipres.club)'s status on Monday, 16-Oct-2023 03:05:39 JST Foone🏳️‍⚧️

     in reply to

     (I originally wrote this post using they/them for the God-Emperor but then I was reminded by Wikipedia that Pando is a male Quaking Aspen, so I switched to he/him)

   • Foone🏳️‍⚧️ (foone@digipres.club)'s status on Monday, 16-Oct-2023 03:09:33 JST Foone🏳️‍⚧️

     in reply to

     Also, Pando's age is uncertain: he's believed to be at minimum 10,000 years old, with ages over 16,000 being unlikely (because then he'd have to survive a fucking ice age), though the National Park Service says 80,000 without any citation.
     At least two papers have suggested that Pando could be a MILLION YEARS OLD, based on when we think trees like him evolved.

   • Foone🏳️‍⚧️ (foone@digipres.club)'s status on Monday, 16-Oct-2023 03:11:49 JST Foone🏳️‍⚧️

     in reply to

     Though it's unlikely given recent finds pushing back when the americas were first inhabited by humans, it's possible that Pando was here first.

   • Foone🏳️‍⚧️ (foone@digipres.club)'s status on Monday, 16-Oct-2023 03:22:50 JST Foone🏳️‍⚧️

     in reply to

     • Richard LaHue

     @shoren18 the first time I read this, I thought the when you said "him"/"he" you were referring to Pando, not your boyfriend

   • Richard LaHue (shoren18@twit.social)'s status on Monday, 16-Oct-2023 03:22:51 JST Richard LaHue

     in reply to

     @foone My boyfriend loves Pando. We traveled there as part of his 30th birthday bash. I read this out to him & he's very amused.