"To make sure you haven't done anything wrong we MUST search your house, have all your passwords, perform a full anal cavity search on your dog, remove your kitchen sink/bathroom door/one sock from each pair/all your spoons, photograph your birth certificate/driving license/passport/credit cards/house keys, install spyware on your phone/tablet/computer/gaming device/television/microwave/bed frame, take samples of urine x9/blood x11/hair x17, etc."