Good evening reader, have your cougar-hunting efforts been failing recently? Are you finding it difficult to catch even a large cougar, let alone the more elusive petite ones? Worry no longer, for you have come to the right place. This book discusses the habitats, habits, and trapping strategies for cougars of all different shapes and sizes, even delving into cougar psychology in order to ensure that it doesn't back out of your trap right before the final knot is tied -- the eternal struggle of cougar-hunters everywhere. With this book, you will be armed with the knowledge and tools in order to hunt and capture the large-chested mommy dommy of your dreams.

The female puma concolor cougar-sapien subspecies is not well studied, not for lack of want, rather because of their intriguing behavior and stunning rise in population carry weight in the North American habitat. While ubiquitous, trapping and studying is elusive because of adept mate selection and survival instincts honed from advantageous selection, particularly in recent generations.

It is important to note that only 16% of marriages are between an older woman and a younger man. This paper utilizes the anecdotal experiences of certified “cougar experts”, as well as many statistics in regards to this.

A review of the literature, as well as a observational study (unprecedented in length, at 36 months) shows with significance that clean shaving, as opposed to previous limited studies that erroneously included 5 o'clock shadows in the methodology, conclusively demonstrates to a significant degree in which pristine shaving habits can in fact trap even the most virile den cougar mommy dom. Another important point this paper notes is that aside from being clean-shaven, another vital factor in attracting the female cougar-sapien is the presence of a "cheeky grin" not typically found in certain male populations. This, alongside shaving and making childish jokes (such as those related to the male genitalia), has been observed to substantially enhance the male's chance in attracting a cougar wife.

The above points are important in order to attract any form of cougar, however now it is time for specifics. For a heftier cougar, habitats such as the ice cream parlor and burger king may be more appropriate than the tennis courts, where you shall find short cute women or the basketball courts, where you shall find tall thin women. It is important to note that not all of these women shall be looking for a younger male, so it is vital that you keep your age an ambiguity until you have set the bait.

The bait is in two parts -- first, you must be unreasonably arrogant and cocky. There is an art to this however, as you cannot be wrong with anything you say, and you cannot be aggressive in it. You must be confident, but not loud. You must always appear relaxed and amused -- leaning against a table while smirking is a classic. If you do not know the answer to something, simply flash a grin instead of attempting to answer.

The second part of the bait is to ask the woman out -- anywhere will do, but the general rule is to say “I’m going to ___ at ___, would you like to come?” -- chances are that if the first part of the bait has been done properly, the second part will be successful.

Now that she has taken the bait, simply go with the flow for a while, and gauge her reaction on everything in order to make light adjustments for it -- do not appear to be someone you are not, but there’s no sense in doing something she doesn’t like for shits and giggles. Throughout this process, take every opportunity you have to compliment her -- call her beautiful, compliment her eyes, compliment her intelligence, et cetera. Bring her flowers and chocolate when she is sick or feeling down, and make sure when you hug her you hold her firmly. Make lots of bad puns, dad jokes, and jokes about cock and balls. When the time is right, tell her you love her. For some, a month is acceptable. For some, it may take up to nine. Continue with the precedent that you have set, and when you think the time is right buy a ring.

This is where a lot of cougars will escape your cunning plans for eternal matrimonial bliss (though this can also occur when you tell her you love her if the time is not right), so extra caution must be taken. Interestingly enough, the caution that must be taken is to ensure that you do not seem extra jittery or strange in the time prior, as she will assume something is wrong. Make sure that your nerves are calm as they can be -- always remember that if she does not accept the ring, a radiator shall do just fine.

Good luck and happy hunting.