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1. :nintendo_switch: Cyrus :nintendo_switch: (kagekokoro@bae.st)'s status on Tuesday, 27-Jun-2023 06:35:29 JST :nintendo_switch: Cyrus :nintendo_switch:
   Refusing to talk
   When I ask what is wrong
   "Really?!"
   Yeah, that's gonna resolve a situation
   Not like keeping quiet has already damaged the relationship
   
   Fuck my life
   Honestly
   
   This is hell and I swear I don't know what i have done to deserve this kind of shit
   
   I have changed jobs
   Moved cities
   Adapt my workouts
   Changed my eating habits
   Take care of as much as I can within the scope we agreed on in the house (I'm not perfect, certainly)
   Take care of the dog, take him to work when necessary and do home office as well despite not really liking it
   Go out running with him and feed him and stuff
   
   And what do i get in return?
   No sex for half a year and silent treatment
   Yeah, dream relationship
   
   I had more sex with people I was on a long distance relationship with
   Not kidding
   Which makes this whole thing quite ironic
   
   I'm not even asking for daily sex, im just asking to have some intimacy every week
   I don't think I'm asking for that much
   
   Apparently i am
   
   Even funnier
   Not talking about an issue is what, apparently, led to this situation to begin with. Not that i would know, it's just the explanation i was given and I guess I will have to take it at face value. The intimacy just kinda stopped, i apparently can not read her signs. I, i repeat, I need to learn to read them properly. I could give an example but it's just a little disturbing to me even today, there was no way that i could read what she said as a sign, and even if I did, i would not have liked to carry on at that point.
   
   So yeah, slowly but surely the sex ceased, and i have whined about it here a few times, i have talked to her about it, she tells me she is aware but can not bring herself to be in the mood. She doesn't feel attractive, but she doesn't do anything to change her habits to change the way she looks.
   
   What
   Am
   I
   Supposed
   To
   Do
   ?!
   
   I have also been suffering in silence for months and I have a slip up, because I gotta admit that forgetting the first anniversary is a major fuck up, that's on me, but still. I do not think I deserve this treatment despite this huge mistake on my part.
   
   I have so much going through my head right now and completely forgot, i have no excuse.
   
   But, i reiterate, I do not think I deserve this.
   
   Am I an ass for asking for intimacy in a relationship? A friend of mine i asked told me i kinda am, and i might be, but i just don't envision a sexless relationship, might as well share a flat with someone if I want to split the chores and the costs...
   
   Rant off
   
   Any tips or advice highly valued
   • Woggy's Zeonic Frolicks (washedoutgundampilot@poa.st)'s status on Tuesday, 27-Jun-2023 06:35:28 JST Woggy's Zeonic Frolicks

     in reply to

     @Kagekokoro Has she put on a lot of weight? Do you compliment her or give her positive reinforcement? Is she hanging out at home and eating to pass the time?

     TBH I’ve lived in perpetual fear of ending up like that, I’ve seen too many couples where the sex regulator only closes, it never opens back up. I’ve always set a fairly high libidinous bar from the outset and rarely let it drop for too long. When things would get a little dry, I’d do something active to get her feeling (chicks love FEEEELING things, after all) worn out, energetic, or tired, like going on a hike checking a geocache “for a friend out of state”.

     Lots and lots of variables here, but I wouldn’t be quick to say it’s a lost cause, you can come back from this easier than you think. Sounds like you have a woman being a woman, they get in their own heads and spin out over things that seem silly and pointless to us. When you help them overcome it they can even rely on you more, adding a measure of loyalty and dependence that keeps them bound more secure than ever before.

     Assuming nothing big is wrong and she’s just feeling ‘bleh’ and unattractive I’d try dipping back into the well and dating her again, take her out and try to think back to all the good memories you have, like pulling out the dealer brochure for a car you bought 10 years ago. It’s still the same thing you were excited to take home back then, just needs a little attention and care to bring out the best in it. I’d try to appear confident and paternal throughout, a kind of refreshing, spring-cleaning “eh, we’ve been in this rut for a bit, I’m tired of it. C’mon babe, let’s go do _“ and when she puts up a fight just tickle her until she complies

   • :nintendo_switch: Cyrus :nintendo_switch: (kagekokoro@bae.st)'s status on Tuesday, 27-Jun-2023 06:40:57 JST :nintendo_switch: Cyrus :nintendo_switch:

     in reply to

     • Mong
     @McMongoose i don't want to have to make every decision for her, I want a relationship in which we are equals, if I wanted to make decision for another living being i would get a dog or something, not get into a relationship
     
     I don't necessarily see how my behavior is neglectful, could you elaborate?
     
     And i have changed my whole life to some extent to be with her, so I'd say I'm pretty invested, but very likely it's my own fault for getting into this relationship so quickly, that much i am willing to admit and get the blame for
     ...
   • Woggy's Zeonic Frolicks (washedoutgundampilot@poa.st)'s status on Tuesday, 27-Jun-2023 06:40:57 JST Woggy's Zeonic Frolicks

     in reply to

     • Mong

     @Kagekokoro @McMongoose Oh man you’re missing out. I used to try that thing and it’s vastly inferior to just being the captain of the ship and leading the way on everything. Yeah, it’s more stressful, and you take on more tasks and command authority, but even with an “equal” gf/fiance it wasn’t like I had a competent adult under my roof - at best she’s like, 60% of my capability. Can’t be trusted to negotiate or handle business, deal w/ maintenance, or handle all the big household tasks…. might as well just admit that “burdens are for shoulders, not hips” and own it.

     When I offered current GF to move in I told her I wasn’t looking for a ‘partner’ or a wife, I was thinking about getting a housecat and if she wanted the job she would do - the subtext and understanding being that I handle the big stuff and she just makes me happy. Over time she’s taken on more duties and jobs but I’m still the captain. She doesn’t WANT the responsibility, she hates being given authority, it’s stressful.

   • Mong (mcmongoose@bae.st)'s status on Tuesday, 27-Jun-2023 06:40:58 JST Mong

     in reply to
     @Kagekokoro
     With all due respect, whoever told you asking for intimacy was wrong is an idiot. Though he does kinda have a point if you go in the opposite direction.
     
     Is she really that important to you to have this much patience with her? In any case patience is not something you should have with women regardless of attachment, you'll always lose.
     
     I don't think she's up to anything bad like cheating, but she surely is suffering from your neglectful attitude, i.e you need to take over her life and tard wrangle her to fit your needs and her own, if she's that retarded. You can't expect any woman to behave with any semblance of logic, no matter the consequences they will always pick the worst possible choices for herself and you, under any circumstance.
     
     Imo, you should check that she's not doing anything behind your back at least, other than that, I dunno. Only you know how to pull her buttons to get her to do things.