@nozaki I was married to a barcade waitress for five years. She was beautiful. Within a month of getting married she was arrested by the NYPD for stealing over $800 in pinball tokens from the bar (she didn't need to; I was a pinball pro and won enough free plays). We had a non-gender conforming crotch goblin. Within a year of their birth, she was reselling Steam keys in a serious Steam resale ring, in Greenwich Village. Then I found out she was banging the Street Fighter 2 champ while I played pinball. She met him on Instagram, of course.

I am far from inexperienced in these matters.