THE ELEVEN STEP GUIDE TO ROPE CARE
you're going to need this eventually and it is on the final exam, so...

1. If you’re this far then you believe your going to need that rope to work as you seen it on t.v., quick and fast and under load. A failure in the rope to operate effectively could mean a mess to deal with. A big, long, drawn out mess. Ammo is not cheap anymore.

2. Precut the rope. In Minecraft a 35-45 foot telephone pole is the standard (typical) length used in pre-spawned cities to carry one or two cross arms. Overhead street signs are a minimum of 17 feet, this varies by world generation, so check vanilla Minecraft ordinances.

3. Presoak rope in warm water. Not for your cousin's hand, for the rope. You're gonna need a bigger bucket, really.

4. Wash the rope in hot water with small amount of detergent. This is going to remove the gunk from sitting in homo depot on that spool for the last year...or your garage.

5. Rewash with no soap. Any detergent left in the rope will interfere with later steps. Yes, those steps are important.

6. Boil rope then simmer for 8 hrs. First put it in cool water and then add heat, slowly boiled frogs ya know. Do this outside on a camp stove. You know, like a Coleman. The green one in that dirty garage of yours.

7. Dry rope under tension, about 20 lbs. Use the kettle bell you got out in that fucking garage and make sure it is clean. I know you got one or why else did you buy the rope. I know why you want to get stronger. Washing the rope will shrink the rope some. Not like the one time you washed your bae’s sweater because you had an accident in the bedroom and you shrunk that fucker smaller than a munchkin would be able to comfortably wear, but it will shrink.

8. Stretch the rope. This removes the last bit of water as well as breaking up the fibers in the rope, which makes it softer, an unfortunate side effect, but the softer rope will move faster. Again, faster under load is what we’re looking for.

9. Singe the rope. Ok, a candle 'will' work, but that's gonna leave a lot of soot on the rope. And your wife is gonna be pissed if you used up her pumpkins spice candles she got from yankee candle. Better, more manly AND using the shit you have in the garage. Remember the stove from step 4, the green one? Yeah use it. Set to medium and run it through the flame. Now don't get all autist and worry about every bit of fuzz, get the most of it and let it be. There is always going to be a small bit left but it will dissipate as you use the rope.

9. Repeat steps 4, 5 and 7. Rewash with detergent and again without soap to remove soot, again this can bind up the rope when smoothness and speed are important. Re-drying is important!

10. Oil the rope with natural oil. Do not be a pussy and go all coconut oil (which is technically good but gay as fuck) use MINK OIL. Minks are EVIL. Get a clean cloth, dampen it in Mink Oil and pull the rope through the piece of cloth. Repeat the process of dampening and then pull through in the opposite direction. Run the rope through your hands to work the oils in. If its dripping you have gone WAY too far. It should feel smooth through your hand. Bee’s wax can be used. It sounds a bit hippified but stay with me here. Leatherworkers know bees wax is good stuff and those fellas ain’t fairies. It does not age as quickly as oils, does not go stale and preserves really well. A bar of it is easy to use, just running it lightly over your ropes or holding the bar in your palm and pulling the ropes through. Remember to use sparingly though. An ounce of bee’s wax will treat over 650 feet of rope. And that is a lot of light poles.

11. The last thing is to whip the ends of the rope. This keeps it from fraying. Don't tie a knot in it or you won’t be able to tie any important knots in it later.