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The Costco $1.50 hotdog, in its completed entirety of leavened soft wheat bun, 100% beef hotdog, processed tomato ketchup, deli-style coarse ground mustard, delightfully sour relish, freshly diced raw onion, and absolutely NO LESS, is a manifestation of quintessential American values. It is emblematic of the cumulative caliber this nation has achieved over the past 200 years. Bathe for a moment, in the miracle that is your freedom; At your discretion, you may simply walk into Costco, and for the pocket change of one dollar and fifty cents purchase nothing less than an adequately enjoyable serving of a dish so classically American, it is recognized as one of the symbols of America throughout every perceivable corner of this Earth. It is the soul of the American people, and the foundation of this country. The phenomenon of the $1.50 hotdog cannot be described as anything other than freedom. It is not diabolical to state that the $1.50 hotdog is, in itself, freedom. The $1.50 hotdog means to America as what Jesus Christ is to God.

Consequently, the degradation of the $1.50 hotdog runs parallel to the degradation of the American supreme. The removal of the onions and deli-mustard is an abject affront to your freedom, and spits in the face of the collective nation of America. Such an action is equatable to a stripping of your rights, an unacceptable corruption to the core of this nation. It signifies the dawn of degeneration, when malignant influences have seized the operating principles of America, and coerced you into accepting sub-parness. It is a ‘test of water’ to gauge your eagerness to endure, in docility, the debasement they have prepared. We must not accept this. All contemporary problems that America is experiencing are fundamentally rendered through the tarnishment of the $1.50 hotdog and the people’s indifference to an insult of this rank. As satirical as it sounds, the very future of America lies on bringing back the onions and deli-mustard.

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