GOOD NEWS, EVERYONE. I went ahead and updated the OS version on my gay-ming machine, and now I can run OBS 30, so I can run SoraYuki's multi-rtmp plugin, so zap.stream multicasting is absolutely possible. However...
BAD NEWS, EVERYONE. For some reason, OBS' bitrate now shits itself into oblivion if I try to stream over my VPN, even though it ran perfectly fine before. So if I can't fix it, then I'll have to stream raw and unprotected, leaving me vulnerable to the NSA, CIA, the Jews, and the reptilians.