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Alright friends
This is Captain Retard who has been alerted by the voices in his head that you are slowly losing comprehension of reality due to an attack on everyone from an unknown alien species
These cocksuckers originate from outside the universe and will disintegrate your mind for all eternity of you take Alzheimer's medication
Go to your drug man and buy your favorite drug
It will partially restore some of your mental functioning
Don't forget to buy multivitamins because they are cheaper than crack cocaine in seventeenth century Germany
If you eat food it will fucking have no god damn nutrition in it and homemade potato chips from nineteen forty fries in lard have more nutrition than a fresh apple from a tree
Stay away from mind control drugs
Get drunk
Smoke weed
Smoke crack
Don't trust anyone
Spies are everywhere
Eat your vitamin gummies

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