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1. prettygood (prettygood@socially.drinkingatmy.computer)'s status on Saturday, 30-Mar-2024 17:33:22 JST prettygood

   Ever since I was young, I've been acutely aware of my own mortality. I don't know if it was a Christian upbringing, or realistic education, or being obnoxiously pragmatic as far back as I could recall. But the knowledge has always been there.

   I find myself in the minority not because I am aware of it but because I discuss it openly. Despite the decline in belief in everlasting life, or perhaps in spite of it, the average person is aware that they are mortal but don't want to talk about it. That always bothered me, because I find the thought peaceful.

   I'm not going to be around in fifty years. Very little of what I do has any long term consequences in the grand story of humanity. I am not broadly influential, or powerful, or rich, or well-known such that I will be remembered beyond the life spans of My People. I will not have a grave that is a landmark, or an attraction, for better or for worse.

   I wouldn't have it any other way, because I've always strived to live a quiet life, and if I have any say in the matter I'll have a quiet death as well. I will not die in a hospital bed, in a medically induced coma, kept alive by machines and drugs, as my mother did. I will not die at the hands of those who hate me, because I strive to make amends for my sins and right the wrongs I have done against others. I will die by my own hand, at the time and place and circumstance of my choosing.

   Why wouldn't I? Haven't we all the right, or the agency, to choose our paths in life, up until the final choice? For some of us, it is the only control that we have of our own lives. For others, it is the conclusion of a sad story of guilt and regret. For others yet, it is the only reasonable outcome, when we have no more reason to be.

   But that day is not today, nor tomorrow, nor any time soon. My purpose for being is to serve others, My People. I have been granted the discretion to choose My People. Those people are mine. MINE. And I will serve as long as I am able.

   I am not perfect. I am flawed, and foolish, and feeble. But I have purpose. I have a reason for being, and a reason to continue. I will work, and fight, and protect, and serve, until such time as my obligations are fulfilled, or I am released from duty.