Notices by sam にゃん :kittysit: :verified_woem: (starshine@woem.space)

happy to announce my new service supervisor program called witchd

STOP DOING BIG ACCOUNTS

• INSTANCES WERE NOT SUPPOSED TO CRASH FROM A SINGLE BOOST
• YEARS OF FEDI yet NO REAL-WORLD USE FOUND for going higher than ONE HUNDRED FOLLOWERS
• Wanted to go higher anyway for a laugh? We had a tool for that: It was called “OFFICIAL PROJECT ACCOUNTS”
• “Yes please give me 200 interactions on every post. Please give me 80 boosts on my vent posts” - Statements dreamed up by the utterly Deranged

LOOK at what “INFLUENCERS” have been demanding your respect for all this time, with all the activitypub and frontends we built for them:
(This is REAL fedi, done by REAL fedizens)

• 4300 followers, 2000 following
• 2000 followers, 1200 following
• 650 followers, 400 following

“Hello I would like a million votes on this poll please”

They have played us for absolute FOOLS

:neofox_woozy: congratulations web developers, browsing the internet is now more resource intensive than watching video

i’d just like to interject for a moment. what you’re referring to as “mastodon” is actually activitypub/mastodon, or as i’ve recently taken to calling it, activitypub plus mastodon. mastodon is not a social network unto itself, but rather–

why not run a MISSKEY INSTANCE? we’ve got so many “great” options!

• syuilo’s pet project with all the horrors that brings
• world’s most shilled open source project
• dead fork
• dead fork
• dead fork
• dead fork
• mastobrained fork
• calckey 2.0: now with 100% less marketing™

why not join the :sparkls: fediverse :sparkls: we’ve got great software such as:

• twitter 2.0 wannyabe that refuses to add any of the features people want
• bloated javascript hell
• fork of bloated javascript hell that gave up on the rust rewrite 3 functions in
• another fork of bloated javascript hell made out of pure spite
• functionyal spaghetti code that is barely maintained
• fork of said spaghetti code that is also barely maintained
• alpha software that is somehow more stable than everything else (but it’s not like that’s a high bar)

the eu is fucking wild man
“hey, we just passed landmark privacy regulations!”
“oh by the way we’re trying to mandate backdoors into every encryption scheme”
“we are forcing google, apple, and microsoft to stop locking down their ecosystems!”
“oh yeah we’re also trying to mandate backdoors in all browsers’ certificate stacks”
“anti-adblock is spyware ^_^ we’re suing youtube”

passwords when you don’t enforce changing them every 2 months: Viy$Ehi8sy3&2WQ
passwords when you enforce changing them regularly: password01!? password02!? password03!? password04!? password05!?

hey does anyone know what the best way to store instance metadata is. do i make the instances table use domain as the primary key or do i use an actual UUID

rate my new website

STOP DOING THREADS

• POSTS WERE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE SPLIT INTO 25 PARTS
• YEARS of POSTING yet NO REAL-WORLD USE FOUND for a low character limit
• Wanted a low character limit anyway for a laugh? We had a tool for that: It was called “SMS”
• “My post got so long that I had to split it into 10 parts. Stay tuned for the 20 part sequel” - Statements dreamed up by the utterly Deranged

LOOK at what Mastodon Users have been demanding your Respect for all this time, with all the Fediverse and protocols WE built for them:
(This is REAL Posting, done by REAL Mastodon Users)

• Why communism will win, a 🧵 (1/255)
• Why I should be allowed to index all your posts for profit, a thread (1/X)
• The rise and fall of Twitter (283/185,781)

“Hello, I would like a 500 character limit please”
They have played us for absolute fools

when you really think about it… every game is a war crime simulator. i cannot think of any exceptions

@puniko you’re torturing the ball by hitting it over and over and over and over