Notices by Dan Fixes Coin-Ops (ifixcoinops@mstdn.social)

If this device were invented today it'd connect via your WiFi to a merchant account and bill you 30p out of every quid someone put through it.

Me in 1999: I wanna pay this webcomic guy

Internet/banks: 20 cents plus 3% per transaction pls

Me: bah, I only wanted to pay him like 10p, if 10,000 people do that he'll be quids in. Imagine if computers had coin mechs like your leccy meter and a bloke came round and emptied it out. Haha no that'd be dystopian.

Ad industry, 2000-2023: we're gonna watch you online and spy on you with an actual microphone so we can make a tenner and pay the webcomic guy 10p

Me: ACTUALLY I'D PREFER COIN MECHS

Got a hobby website? Webcomic? Knitting patterns? Blog? Recipe page? Any web-1.0 website that you've made yourself? I'll run a free ad for it on the formerly-world's-most-popular text adventure Improbable Island, no catch, still over a gigabyte of text served per day:
https://www.improbableisland.com/hobbysites.php

Context:
https://mstdn.social/@ifixcoinops/109639352494996644

Free hobby website advertising on Improbable Island update: we've banished COVID from the house, so I have more time and energy to work on this whole System here. I've caught up on all the submitted ads and built myself a neato easy-approval system so future ads can get the nod much sooner.

Normal thing to say: Cordless drill
Sounds weird: Wireless drill

Do you have cordless internet at home

Can I get on your corl-fi

Cordle....fi?

Cordless
Wireless
Leadless
Flexless
Cableless
Lineless

Society: This is a line cord. Don't call it a line wire, that sounds weird. Use "cable" when talking about USB, "cord" when talking about HDMI, and "Wire" should only be used when talking about nonspecific wire as in "Hook-up wire," or nonexistent wire as in "Wireless." As for mating connections, you may use "Port," "Socket," "Outlet," "Header" where appropriate,

Grizzled pinball techs with no cares left: "Put t' wire int' 'ole"

USB hole

Leccy hole

Telly hole

Phone hole

Noise hole

Play hole

Also known by trade name as "Nintend'ole"

"Hand me that USB string" = bizarre weirdo talking
"Hand me that string of Christmas lights" = totally normal thing to say???
"Hand me that yarn of Christmas lights" = my spouse got annoyed at me calling her yarn "string" so I stopped and now she is more annoyed

Some weirdos call this a "port." For ships? Or they call it Jack, wHO IS JACK??? This is nonsense, it's just mouth noises

We know what this is, don't we. Web Hole. Or, if you wanna lose followers, Meme Orifice

You, sobbing: "Dan! I thought you were WHOLESOME!"
Me, handing you something: "Here. I don't need this anymore."
The something: W

What are these called? Nobody knows.

Flash drive.
Jump drive.
Pen drive.
Thumb drive.
Wallet Drive.
Memory Finger.
Electro-Knower.
Stor-A-Pak™.
NVRAM Module.
USB Hole Compatible Solid State Hard Disk Drive.
Dave®.
Pocket Storer.
Semi-Firm Disk Drive.
Memory-on-a-stick, not to be confused with memory stick that's a different thing
Data Prong.
Prongulator.
Insertable Drive.
SquareTape.
Memory Dongle.
Hoard-a-keep.
Rod of Remembrance.
Gig-the-size-of-a-fig.
ByteSyze™.
InfoHole.

When will it end?

40 hobby websites and personal homepages in the Improbable Island free advertising rotation now, keep 'em coming. Gimme your URL and your 468*60 non-animated banner and I'll chuck a bunch of eyeballs atcha, no catch.