Notices by Fesshole 🧻 (fesshole@mastodon.social)

While watching a movie/show, whenever there is a good looking actor on screen, I tell my wife, he reminds me of her father, brother, uncle or cousin. Totally ruins her ogling. She hasn't caught on yet.

If you ask me for directions, I am damn well going to give you directions whether I know the way or not.

Made eye contact with a guy across the street on a balcony. He signalled for my phone number, I signalled it back holding up fingers. He came over. We shagged. He's coming over tomorrow again. Not the worst Monday.

Redecorating the living room and got loads of flat pack furniture to put together. Came home from work and wife had gotten a handyman in to put it all together. Beyond insulted and hurt by this. I've been loosening bolts and screws by a quarter turn every day so it all collapses.

I proposed to my girlfriend, she said yes, but she now wants me to book a dinner with her family and friends and for me to spontaneously ask her again in front of them all. I don't think I want to marry someone like her.

We moved away, got to our new house, and unpacked a box, and there fast asleep was next doors cat, so we had a choice nearly 1000 mile round trip or keep the cat, anyway currently typing this in front of the fire with said cat sleeping on my lap.

I knew I had a competitive nature, but I didn't know how bad until recently. My 3 year old recently finished his dinner before me and now every meal tells me he's faster than me and that he won. This bothers me. I make sure I finish eating first now.

When I go to the barbershop and they show me the amount they are taking off the top. I always just agree but have absolutely no idea how much is going to end up coming off. Could be too much, Could be not enough.

Neighbours got a new fella. Guy doesn't talk he shouts, can hear every word he says even through the walls. Wrote a love letter pretending to be his secret girlfriend and left it under neighbours windscreen wiper. Had a massive argument that night and he's not been back since.

I've been an accountant for 5 years now. I haven't a clue what a KPI is but it is mentioned daily. Too high ranking to ask at this point.

I don't talk to my wife about my 'man' problems or any sensitive feeling stuff as she always tells her best friends. I now have pretend press conferences in my head where I talk through the problems in the form of questioning from journalists.

Whenever some reply guy gives me his tedious opinion, I say "Whoa! That's interesting. Tell me more?" Then I mute them. Some of them carry on replying for months. I like to think it stops them bothering others.

As a teenager in Neustrelitz (East Germany), I painted small stones purple and left them all over town. Did it for years. It drove the police and Stasi nuts. It meant nothing. It just felt good to do something they couldn't control or understand.